I am so angry right now - because of how upset and angry I am, I also binged and ate 2 x pieces of raisin toast with butter, and a bacon and egg sandwich with two pieces of white bread, two rashes of bacon and two eggs, and then some ice cream. I then purged. So provided I got most of that up (pretty sure I did), all I've had so far is some orange juice, a latte (home made) and water.
The reason I am so angry is because I had a beloved pet when I was younger - the family dog, but she was mine, a beautiful Weimaranar (probably spelled that wrong...) and one day I got home from a sleep-over and was told that she was dead - that she'd tried to run away and had been hit by a car. My parents just told me today that they'd given her away because they didn't feel she was fitting in and that a family friend was looking.
Darcie (my dog) was so important to me, and when I thought she died I ate and ate and ate that was the start of my disordered eating. I thought that I'd killed her because I left for the sleep over, because I didn't play with her enough, because she wasn't happy with me. I ate and ate to make myself better. The worst part was that I didn't get to say goodbye.
My parents could have given me the chance to say goodbye! They could have told me she had cancer or something like that... I would have been upset but I would have known it wasn't my fault.
Would I still have struggled between being overweight and underweight had that happened?